Tonda gossa! For the past two days, nothing interesting at all happened, so I will finally write today. Tomorrow, my college classes start. I think saying that I am stressed is a severe understatement. I don't feel ready, or good, or anything, but it's happening, and it's going to happen, it was bound to, and I don't have anymore choices. I'm so scared and worried, and my head is spinning. I hope everything goes well, is all, otherwise, I think I would... probably break down and cry. California is getting hit with a hurricane, but I think the recent rain is really nice. We haven't had rain in so long, so having some recently, even if some cities nearby is getting hit is kind of nice. I hope everyone will be okay. We got hit with an earthquake too today, a small one, but it was still large enough for Todd and one of my friends to feel it. I'm going to try to feel better about... really, everything tomorrow. I am genuinely so nervous, I really hope it goes well. I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I'm so scared. I'll try to face it head on. Here's to hoping tomorrow will be a good day... Nantekodda, everyone.
Tonda gossa! I'll just say it right now: Today sucked a bit. I woke up to my parents fighting on the very first day of my mom coming home, and it even got physical. I tried to separate them, I pushed them away from each other, I even yelled, but they seemed to just act like I wasn't there. I felt like a ghost. At least, when they finally settled down, I played some more Pokemon with my boyfriend. I think it is very fun... even if he kind of sucks at the game. After that, my dad and I reviewed over how to get to college, which classes, blah, blah, and college is once again stressing me the fuck out. I don't feel ready at all. I wish I could make all my friends happy, not as in a full happiness forever thing, cause I know that's impossible, but I wish I was just able to make them smile every so often. My friends are awesome, and they all deserve it. Okay, well, I'm still playing games. My friend gifted me Entropy Centre, so I'm going to playing that for a big. Nantekodda, everyone!
Tonda gossa! Sorry for not writing an entry yesterday. When it was already too late, I just remembered about my blog. All I did yesterday was talk to my boyfriend and play a Pokemon fangame. Today, I had Todd come over to my house. This will be the last time I will be able to see him in person until college starts, so I am a little bit sad, but today put me in a good mood. He's so cuddly and sweet, and being able to kiss his face is the best thing ever. I managed to cook an omelette for him, because his picky ass doesnt like sausages, and he said it was really good so I feel better about myself just a little. Compliments help me a long ways, but that's my special secret. Whenever I see him, I'm always in a good mood, but today feels different. I'm really, really happy. Usually the time we spend together feels so short, but being able to cuddle with him and just watch videos, talking a little, complimenting each other, and just being near each other, it made me feel a little like it's something we have been doing for years. I can't wait to live with him. I'm glad today ended up being a really good day. I think I really needed it, especially with everything lately. Cheers to anyone reading this! Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa! Sorry if this entry seems a little moody, but I guess I have a lot to get off my chest. I've been so genuinely unhappy recently. I don't know why, or how to fix it at all. Everything feels like it is crashing down on me all at once. It is getting increasingly hard to talk to people, even my own boyfriend, and I feel horrible for that. The only person right now (on Discord at least, Twitter comments seem to be ok) that I can talk to and not feel frustrated is Sunny. I don't know why I am feeling this way, but I've been feeling it for a long time. I'm really tired of feeling like crap. I wonder if it is just stress and stuff. If there was any way for me to be happier again, I would take that chance, except I wouldn't drink or do drugs, so maybe I still have limits. I didn't even eat anything at all today. I feel so stupid and bland. Maybe I am just going through some crappy moodswings, but for almost a whole month? Are you kidding me? I'm really sorry to all my friends, and especially to Todd for the way I have been acting, but I don't know what is wrong or how to fix it. I hope it goes away. I hate feeling like a tied up ball of yarn. I finished Claus's Journey today. I really wanted one of my friends, Lura, to watch, because she watched basically the rest of the entire game except Chapter 7 and 8, but she needed to study. It's okay, but a little bit disappointing. I did get my friends Stick and Clover to get interested though, so I am happy just a little. I just need to wait for them to actually play the games though. But now that I am done with the game, I am once again feeling like my life has no meaning. I mourned today, I mourned over the game, and I mourned over it ending, and I mourned the losses, but I also mourned that I wouldn't be able to play again for the first time, even though this was my 3rd full playthrough. I'm really sad still. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Here's to hoping I can get over everything, and finally be able to stop feeling so pathetic and stupid... Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa! It is raining today. I finally went outside, and I'm so happy that it's raining. We're even getting lightning and thunder! Electric storms have got to be my favourite weather, and I feel really bad for people who live in areas where the lightning is dangerous and that people can't enjoy it... Hearing the rain and thunder, and even seeing the flash of lightning makes me feel an emotion that's quite hard to describe. I think it's awesome, is all. Ironic, isn't it? Well, I know my boyfriend lives somewhere pretty dangerous, out in the middle of nowhere, and lightning often strikes near where he lives. Thank goodness he has a Franklin Badge, right? Haha, well in actually, I hope he'll be okay. He's scared of thunder and lightning, which I think is super cute. I spent all day playing Mother 3. I'm almost done with the game... I'm really enjoying it and I'm glad I finally got over all my emotions and was able to play it. I wish more people could have, or would have wanted to watch. I love it when people watch me play games, and talk to me while I play. It's so much fun! I really wish I had a lot more friends... especially those who really like MOTHER. I want to become better friends with Fuz and Nana, but that's super embarassing to say, so I'll probably never ask them. Maybe I'll gain enough courage sometime to ask Fuz for their discord, and I'll just keep interacting with Nana too. I'm glad I have friends on the internet, as embarassing as that sounds. I had another argument with Todd today, but we got over it really fast. I don't feel bad. Today was... okay, but I'm really happy that it started to rain and thunder. Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa! There isn't much to write about today. I played Mother 3: Claus's Journey a lot, got into an argument, and overall just had a pretty neutral day. I'm not happy, and I kind of do feel a little bit more on the upset side, but I guess a day is a day. I wish I didn't have to go to college so soon. I guess I'll just slide into it and get used to it, I always do, but I just feel so gross and alone. My stomach hurts thinking about it, so I probably shouldn't. I feel so pathetic and sad. Sorry for venting, but feelings are feelings. I really liked playing Mother 3, but aside from that, today was really boring. I didn't do anything, not that I usually do stuff, but I didn't have any fun conversations with any of my friends. All we did was watch a movie, but for most of it I just ended up feeling like crap. This sucks a lot, and I really wish I had more friends, close friends that I like talking with, that liked the same things I do. My friends respect me for liking MOTHER, but it just isn't the same. Half of the time they just make teasing fun whenever I get excited over seeing something related to it, or just flat out ignore me. It makes me really, really despondent sometimes. It makes me miss my old old friend group that all really liked MOTHER, even if they turned out to be mostly horrible people in the end. I miss the old times when we would call and talk about making a MOTHER fangame, and actually doing stuff for it, or even just playing games and streaming and laughing together. It makes me so sad that times like that are so rare, and that when they do actually happen, it doesn't feel the same. It never feels the same. I'm feeling really sad now, so I'm going to end it here. I hope tomorrow brings a better day. I think I might try to cook myself breakfast and go outside. It might do me better. Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa! I went to the mall today with my boyfriend. It was so, so much fun. There was a lot of things that I really wanted to buy, like that Mimikyu bag, or all the Invader Zim pins, and that GIR hoodie, but next time I suppose. Todd showed me a shirt that I really liked (it looked like Claus's shirt...) but it was too big and didn't fit me. They also had the blue Leafeon plushie that my friend took a picture of when they were at the mall. It was so ugly, but in an endearing way, I wanted to buy it too. I hope that someday, I will have enough money to go on a splurge and just buy whatever I want to. That would be nice indeed. I read some more of Nana's fanfics today, I'm really excited to see the continuation of Heart to Heart. It makes me want to write more drabbles (looks at Vista... tilting head and whistling idly... I'll get to it soon, I promise!) but... ah, I'm not sure what I would write about. I really, really want to play Claus's Journey. The more I look at Mother stuff, the more excited I get, and the more I want to play Mother related content, especially 3. While I could play my physical copy, er, I really want to see what's new with Claus's Journey. Also, I get to play as Claus. I'm Claus. Win! But I still haven't been able to patch it at all. I am hoping I can figure it out soon, eckk.... Now that this week is over, I only have one week left until college starts. I am so nervous, I feel like I am going to vomit. It sucks... so badly, how much time keeps flying past. It feels way too soon. I'm just hoping I can have lots of fun this week before I have to finally strap in. This Monday, too, I have to take a dmv test, I really don't want to. This sucks. I hate having so much responsibility all of a sudden. I feel stupid every chance I get to think about it. So, I don't want to anymore. Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa! Sorry for not writing yesterday. There wasn't much to write about, since all I did was play some games with my friends. I had a super lengthy dream last night, and if I were to write about it in this blog, I think the entire page would just be filled up, so I'll spare the torment. My mom left to travel to Sweden with my aunt. The house is really quiet now, save for whenever my brother wants to argue, and the dog barks a little. I don't mind it, I kind of like the still peace. It rained a little today too. I've always enjoyed the smell and sound of rain. Rain here is super rare, so it's always super nice when it decides to come around. I am once again worried for my cat... she's finally eating, which is good, very good, but I am still worried tons for her. I can't tell if her voice is coming back, but my dad promised to bring her to the vet soon if it doesn't return. I hope she'll be alright, I don't really want to lose another one so soon. I think I am going to catch up on reading some of Nana's works. Ahh I could never say this outloud, but I am such a fan of the way they write! My boyfriend was right when he first showed me "Heart to Heart" and telling me that it reminds me of us. I can see the similarities in the way Nana writes Clausten and how Todd and I are. Ehh... I don't know what else to write about. Hopefully I won't forget to write tomorrow... whoops. Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa, blog! I didn't do too much today. Time seems to fly by super, duper fast. It's a little scary. I got my friend to start playing Mother 3, and I've been watching her play all day today. Seeing her go through and discovering all the shocks for the first time ever is a bit funny, but also something I wish I could have done for myself. I hope she enjoys the game a lot, as much as I enjoy the game. She really, REALLY likes Boney. I am so nervous for college. I know that I have no choice but to face it head on, but... I really do feel so not ready for it. I don't want to stay in my house doing nothing forever, and I don't enjoy sitting in my room all day wasting time on the internet (even though it is much fun sometimes...). I'm just scared. I'm just so nervous. The future will always be so scary to me. Last night really scared me a lot too, and I don't really understand why I am so scared of things that I already know what will happen. I've always been called a kind person, from friends, from family, but I don't know if that's true. I never see myself as a kind person. I've always thought of myself as mean, and rude, maybe even cruel and pathetic even though I don't think I would ever try to do anything cruel to anyone unless they really really asked for it. I just want to be happy, and I want all my friends to be happy too. Nantekodda!
Tonda gossa! This is the first ever entry for this thing. I'm really proud of my website, even though I sort of wish
that I could have made it a little better. I guess for my first ever website from scratch ever, it doesn't
really look all that bad. In fact, I really like it!My dad called me a millenial for making it, and I laughed at him. He asked if he could follow it, and I said yes,
even though I know he has no idea where to go to find this, or how to access it. I doubt he would even
try to look for it. He's cool, though, I think my dad is pretty awesome. I have to thank my best friend in the whole wide world, Sunny, for helping me make this. She clutched... a lot!I think I would definitely still be having no idea how to use this at all if it werent for her. Thank you, Sunny!
Okay, well, I think that is all I have to write for now. Nantekodda, fellows and friends on the world wide web!